This poor blog.
Maybe after Olaf is here I will get inspired to write again, but as of right now I just don’t have it in me. I’m really thinking once we get into a routine and I start training again I will have much more to say. I hope, at least. I do kind of miss blogging…
Y’all – being pregnant is hard. I mean, it was hard to GET pregnant and now it’s a different kind of hard. The first and second trimesters were a breeze, but the third is different. Physically it is hard now because I feel huge… but mentally this is maybe the hardest thing I’ve done.
Everything I say I want to do as a parent is already questioned. It’s also, apparently, hilarious to talk about how my daughter is going to pick up all of my bad habits – that makes me feel like an awesome mother. Everybody has an opinion and everybody thinks they know exactly how I feel, and 99% of the time it’s not anywhere close to how I feel… which makes me think I’m already doing everything wrong. Also, every joke I make about drinking again is taken WAY to seriously… which – AGAIN – makes me feel like a shitty mother.
And it’s extra awesome because I know that it’s not going to get any better once she’s here. In fact, it’s probably going to get worse.
And God forbid I actually try to complain, because then I’m reminded about how long it took me to get pregnant and I should just be grateful. And if I don’t feel good, I shouldn’t complain because other’s have it worse. And if I feel big, I shouldn’t complain because others are bigger. And if I’m tired, I don’t even know what tired is, just wait until she gets here…
I used to feel left out of the “mom club” and so lonely because I was trying so hard to get pregnant and it just wasn’t happening. But believe it or not, actually getting pregnant and going through this has felt even more lonely than before. Sorry for such a downer post, but I am just so exhausted. (Don’t worry. I know I only think I’m exhausted now, just wait!)
I wasn’t going to post this because honestly I don’t want to talk to real people about it. But I will, just to give a little more insight as to why the blog has been so dead the past few weeks.
I’ll be back once she’s here, promise.