So, for the past few weeks we have had plans this weekend to have a date night at our new house with some friends of ours. I had really been looking forward to it, and thinking a lot about what to cook. I was more excited than usual, because my friend has decided she’s eating meat again, so cooking could be FUN! Plus, we don’t get together with them often.
Then, yesterday, she sends me a text asking how many “mom” friends I had in the area, other than her. I answered honestly – none really. I mean I know women with kids, but she’s really the only “mom friend” I have within 20 miles who I would consider a really good friend.
She then told me that a bunch of her “mom friends” are getting together Saturday night, and if I would like to, we can cancel the “date night” and she would take me to meet them. Because I need “mom friends”. Because after the baby is born all my “non mom friends” would disappear and I would be all alone. Because that’s what happened to her.
I talked to Brandon to see if he would be disappointed if we changed the couples date night into a boy party and a girl party. He was fine with it, and we do agree we would like to get to know more people with kids. So, I am really excited again for Saturday night to go meet new people. (Even though I really don’t like new people, but let’s ignore that fact and just try to have a good time…)
We always thought when we got pregnant we’d magically meet other pregnant people and make friends. That’s not the case. So this should be fun.
And then I started thinking more about it.
And kind of got my feelings hurt.
ALL my “non mom friends” will disappear? I am still a “non mom friend” to her… and I don’t think I have disappeared. In fact, I’m always the one making attempts to get together with them. I actually told Brandon after we scheduled this last date night that I would let her reach out to plan the next one, because I can’t remember the last time she did.
And then this morning (I think) I discovered they are having a birthday party for their kids at the end of the month. We aren’t invited.
So really, do the “non mom friends” disappear? Or do you completely stop paying attention to them? It goes back to the whole “you’ll understand when you have kids” mindset… like women without kids can’t possibly fathom what life is like with kids, so why even give them the time of day?
I really still am excited to go meet some new people, I would love to get to know more women in the area that have kids. However, I will NOT leave my “non mom friends” behind after she’s born. If they’re going to disappear, it’s going to be their choice.
In fact, I’m not going to even think of my friends as “mom” and “non mom” because that’s stupid. The only person that should be calling those women “mom” is their kid. I’ll call them by their names. Because if they do have a baby or if they don’t… they’re still their own person.
The whole thing has just rubbed me the wrong way, but after I get this out I am going to let it go. But I do want to throw this out there for all my “non mom friends” – I do not plan on pushing you out of my life because you can’t possibly understand what I’m going through. Because I love you and you do understand. Because there’s a thing called empathy and just because you haven’t experienced something doesn’t mean that you can’t be there for me.
Ok, rant over. The end. ❤