Guess what? Surprise Saturday Post!! And it’s all about how I really miss running. FAIR WARNING: I am going to complain a lot.
Missing running is 1/2 my fault and 1/2 not my fault. I will gladly accept half of the blame though – I just haven’t been getting out there! I did go for a run on Wednesday… but it’s just not the same running with an extra 20 lbs. It’s hard. And it hurts. Plus? It’s hot. And I don’t feel great when I finish. I was going to buy myself that shirt – but didn’t – and it’s probably good I didn’t because I haven’t even been pretending to run.
I see pictures on Instagram of my friends’ Garmin watches and I just get so jealous. I agreed to run a half marathon with my friend Catherine in September (which I drunkenly convinced her to sign up for… which obviously I am not doing with her now) and it’s getting closer and I am getting sadder. It also doesn’t help that last week I officially deferred my registration for the Dumbo Double Dare until 2015. Plus, the closer I get to my due date – the closer Wine & Dine 2014 is. Don’t get me wrong – I would much rather be at home and get a baby… but my best friends are all getting together in Orlando to run this race together. AND IT WAS MY IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!
I want to go. I want to be there. I want to feel strong again. I want to run longer than a minute and a half without feeling like death. I want to run without thinking at any minute I am going to pee my pants. I was never very fast, but I was much faster than I am now…
Also? I feel guilty for being so bummed out about not running. I wanted to get pregnant for years, and I ran to help me deal with infertility. I shouldn’t be so down about it. But, I am. It’s just hard – instead of watching myself improve, I’m watching myself get slower. Instead of counting down the days until the next big race, I’m counting down the days until I miss out on everything with my friends.
I’m trying to just stay positive and think about after she is here – I will get to run again! I am running Dumbo AND Wine & Dine 2015 – so I will get my coast to coast medal, too! PLUS – I will get to watch myself improve, and lose weight, and get strong again… I know all of these things. It’s just hard to focus on some days. Like today.
I thought that I would start doing DVDs to keep motivated… but we have been in the house for almost a week now… and I have learned that there is nowhere for me to do DVDs. The office/gym is officially just an office. No place for a treadmill, and especially no place to work out. The guest room doesn’t really have the room, or a TV… and the den is way too small. I suppose eventually I could work out in the living room, but it all depends on what kind of furniture ends up in there. The only logical place would be our bedroom (there’s actually plenty of room in there…) but I work out in the mornings when the mister is fast asleep. So that definitely won’t work. It won’t be such a problem when I start training again – I’ll just go to the gym. But now? Now is hard.
I’m just going to keep on keepin’ on and keep my chin up. It’s not going to cool off any time soon, and running won’t be getting any easier, but I just need to get out there and stay moving. I’m sure I can find some way to get a DVD workout in somewhere… just will have to get creative! So, sorry for such a long bummer post… I just had to get it out there. I’m actually feeling a little bit better now, and maybe I’ll get out sometime this weekend for a “run”. Maybe I should go buy that shirt to help keep me motivated…